love me…

07.31.2011 - Comments Off on love me…

taunt me not….
but love me
the way the fragrance of flowers
call to butterflies in summer.
gently and tenderly,
the way the moon softly lights
the tenderest of nights.
kiss me
with passionate hunger
like the petals of young roses
that can not fathom to be apart.
taunt me not….
but lead me into the depth of rivers
where love can not be quenched
but forever savored.

written by vicky
07.2011 

Cooking up :)

07.11.2011 - Comments Off on Cooking up :)

During the past few days, I have turned to creative cooking which, I happily discovered, has helped reduce my stress, and eased my emotional pains… and cheered me up somewhat. I call it creative because, all five dishes I prepared over the weekend, were either cooked in a different way than I used to do, or I cooked it from “taste” memory – which meant I improvised based on how I remember the dish actually tasted. And, I had guests invited to savor them.

So what were those dishes? Saturday: Beef with Mushroom in Cream Sauce; Stir Fried Vegetables with Fried Tofu; Ginger-Eggplant Saute with Chilli Sauce. Sunday: Beef Strips with Barbecue Sauce and a Siding of Fries; Pan Fried Salmon Steak with Lemon Butter Sauce. Yum yum yum 🙂 so my guests said….

Just turned one week in Jakarta, and here I am surviving, trying to be strong in a jungle of heartsick emotions through the delicious aromas and the dance of pots and pans in my kitchen on the 24th floor.

Awake

07.05.2011 - Comments Off on Awake

I have been asleep for a long time. Asleep and dreaming of wonderful worlds and happy arms that used to hold me, for the longest time.

But today, I have awakened. And in this awakening, I see my surroundings with new eyes. I have no more illusions, only acceptance. Acceptance of the truth that was once invisible to my blinded eyes and wanting heart.

I refuse to stagnate, so I am moving on, but not before pruning myself of pretentious affections that talk of love and sisterhood and brotherhood but prove the opposite of it. Liars. Cowards.

I bleed. I do bleed. But every step I take deeper and away from the skin that is shed off me, the better I will be. It had to be done. It had to. For I am no longer asleep.

I may have less than what I had before, but I am NOT, in any way, less whole.

Sadly

06.10.2011 - Comments Off on Sadly

“sadly…”
written by vicky
06.10.2011

The Healing

05.23.2011 - Comments Off on The Healing

Miranda opened her eyes and gazed up at the heavens, as if facing the sky for the first time. She breathed in the cool breeze that played about and kissed her delicate face. A soft chill enveloped her being. As she exhaled, a sense of peace glowed inside her. Miranda closed her eyes once again. Her lips formed into a smile.

“It is a new day” she whispered to herself.

“Indeed.”

Miranda opened her eyes gently at the sound of the affirmation. Of course, her eyes perceived no one. She came up the hill alone, but she was not really just by herself.

“You’re here,” she whispered again.

“I am.”

Miranda shivered as cool air swept about her. Instinctively, she turned her head to her right and spoke.

“I am ready…” she uttered.

Silence.

The wind blew forth once more and Miranda listened as the nearby trees swayed in answer to the music of nature.

“I am ready…” she repeated.

“Patience, Miranda” the voice said.

Miranda felt the sun’s warmth cascade over her, like velvet it caressed her skin and gave her strength. She willingly absorbed the gift of the sun, the energy it provided. She imagined  her body filling up with the yellow glow of power, until she felt her essence tingle. She almost shone.

“Now, you are ready.”

Miranda smiled again. Opening her eyes, she stood firmly and opened her arms wide, as if to embrace the sky. She willed the fresh energy from her being  to push forth, and recharge her soul with the energy of the sun, the wind, the universe. She felt light yet strong. She felt grateful, she felt alive. She felt beautiful. She felt power.

“Accept the gift, Miranda…” the voice said warmly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

A light breeze touched her cheek and then it was gone. Miranda smiled to herself. Her energy has been replenished. She can heal again. Nothing gave her more satisfaction than knowing this.

On impulse, she let her fingers touch the area over her heart. Though a broken heart heals, scars stay. Yet, when healing takes place, the scars only remind you that there is always a way to stand up again.

Miranda turned her eyes to the west, down the hill, to the village and the people that need her healing touch. Slowly, she made her way towards it, completely healed and broken no more.

All healing is first a healing of the heart.

I have loved to the point of madness,
That which is called madness,
That which to me,
Is the only sensible way to love.

still speechless…

05.12.2011 - Comments Off on still speechless…

still have got no words that can explain clearly enough what’s deep inside…
just heartfelt songs….
maybe soon, i’ll find my voice again….

…. i’ve been pushed right past the point of breaking,
but I can take it, i’ll be back – back on my feet
this is far from over…
I AM FAR FROM OVER
this is far from over…

you haven’t seen the last of me!

We may never meet again…

05.09.2011 - Comments Off on We may never meet again…

if i speak, words come from my head…
if i express with song, words come from my heart…
and for now, this is all i have to say…

For all we know
We may never meet again
Before you go
Make this moment sweet again

We won’t say goodnight
Until the last minute
I’ll hold out my hand
And my heart will be in it

For all we know
This may only be a dream
We come and we go
Like the ripples of a stream

So love me, love me tonight
Tomorrow may never come
For all we know…

No more words

05.04.2011 - Comments Off on No more words

true goodbyes
are the ones
never said
or explained

no more love songs
no more tomorrows
no more dreams
no more words…

just a smile…
no
more.

Flash Fiction

04.30.2011 - Comments Off on Flash Fiction

Writing Flash Fiction is my cup of tea, my specialty, or favorite style of fiction writing. Most of my short stories are in this more distinct style. So what is a flash fiction?

A Flash Fiction is fiction of extreme brevity. There is no widely accepted definition of the length of this particular style. Some consider flash fiction to be of 50, 100, or 500 words or less, while others consider stories as long as 1000 words. This kind of story genre is more challenging to write.  Though the form is by definition extremely short, it is not a medium that tolerates fragmented storytelling. The challenge of flash fiction is to tell a complete story in which every word is absolutely essential, to peel away the frills and lace until you’re left with nothing but the hard, clean-scraped core of a story, without sacrificing the weaving of beautiful words and the emotional impact such as that of a novel or a regular short story. Do not make the mistake of assuming that such bare-bones writing is less than elegant or beautiful. Sometimes beauty, or even inspiration, can be found in the simplest of things. And to express such beauty, in so few words, is indeed a challenge.

reLaTIoNsHipS

04.30.2011 - Comments Off on reLaTIoNsHipS

Just today, a friend asked me to comment about relationships… and this, is what i had to say:

“if there is anything i learned, its that relationships are always full of ups and downs… you really have to love the other person more than yourself so that you can always forgive or say sorry. Effort really needs to be given to keep the romance going and keep the laughter going. Learn to speak the love language of your mate, always go on dates, and always do new things in bed! 🙂 And respect, never lose it. for if respect is lost, everything will be lost….”

Forever…

04.29.2011 - Comments Off on Forever…

there’s a better way to say “I love you”… 
it’s “I’ll be with you forever”...

there’s a better way to say “I need you”
it’s “Stay with me forever”

… for when you hear these words,
you know you are truly loved.

Letting Go is Love…

04.26.2011 - Comments Off on Letting Go is Love…

It really hurts to love someone who doesn’t give you the time of day but what hurts more is when you realize that someone that you don’t give the time of day loved you and gave it up coz you loved someone else.

Letting go is love…

The sun shone on Paula’s hair and her swaying body caused shadows to dance about her as she walked on the cemented pavement. Although her face was expressionless, something softened when at the corner of her eye, she saw that Luke was already at the place she expected him to be at this time. She noticed that he was not alone… a long haired girl was smiling at him across the small table outside the coffee shop. Paula’s face registered sadness. Yet in her mind she heard her friend Drew’s voice telling her “refuse to be a victim, Paula.” Her face stiffened again as the distance between them almost closed.

“Paula…” Luke was the first to greet her, obviously surprised to see her.

Paula pretended not to notice him at first.

“Oh fancy seeing you here, Luke. It’s been so long…” she smiled sweetly at him and at the girl Luke introduced as his friend Jenny.

How do you get over a person you loved so much, deeply, with all your heart, the one who promised you the moon and the stars and even forever, and then suddenly, disappears from your life?

Paula continued walking aimlessly but Luke followed her. She wished Drew was there to help her through this.

“Paula… I’m sorry…”

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A Beautiful Past :)

04.23.2011 - Comments Off on A Beautiful Past :)

I’m in my late thirties now, almost forty BUT NOT YET 🙂 and I certainly don’t look like it harharhar 🙂

I know I live a simpler life now, but looking back, despite the many challenges I went through, there were days… ohhh there were days when my life was full of victory, excitement, and glory. And talking about the challenges… well, if some people drank, I wrote. Writing was my outlet to pacify my raging emotions.

I used to think of my past in such a negative way (because of the challenges) that I had almost forgotten that a lot of beautiful things also happened to me.

How can I forget the glory days of my youth when I used to sing with the Cultural Center of the Philippines’ (CCP) Manila Girl’s Choir, the MET Chorus and the very prestigious UST Singers? The singing competitions (won a few times) and the standing ovations. Being cast in professionally produced musical plays with the Bangkok Community Theater in Bangkok, the concerts and solo stints with the Bangkok Camerata Singers. I had the opportunity to lead and motivate a group of rowdy young people in college to produce relevant school publications. It is a little heartwarming to think that those rowdy kids who used to bum around with me in old university halls are now leaders, managers, executives and professionals in their own right.

(pictured above, me on rightmost first row, w/ a cookie in mouth, & college theater group friends)

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The Day Tears Fell

04.22.2011 - Comments Off on The Day Tears Fell

They say you don’t know what you got until it’s gone.
Truth: You knew exactly what you had, you just never thought you’d lose it.

The Day Tears Fell

I watched the clouds roll by as the motor of his speeding car hummed and scratched the pavement towards the highway and away from me.  Just like that, I knew I would never see James again. I waited for the tears to fall… but there were none. I still could not cry. Not for James, for Craig, for Brent and for countless others before him. My heart had either turned into a rock or I have learned to master the art of painless break-ups.

“He’s gone?” my friend Susie crept slowly behind me.

“Yeah…” I answered back.

“You ok?”

“Sure…” I even managed to smile.

“Bree… really. You have to stop taking all these men for a ride…” Susie sat beside me on the lone bench by the lake.

I knew she was right. But somehow, in my mind,  I wasn’t just taking them for a ride.

“Well its probably the best ride of their life, anyway, Sue,” I joked.

“Oh Bree,” she sighed.

“I know. I am certainly trying, Sue… but…” I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence. I felt something as heavy as a brick sliced through my chest at that very moment.

“Still him.” Susie finished the sentence for me. Instead of replying, I threw a stone into the lake and looked at it skip on the water before it disappeared in the middle of the deep.  I watched as Susie finally stood up and got on her rackety bicycle and rode towards the direction of the village.

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My Tagalog Novel

04.21.2011 - Comments Off on My Tagalog Novel

In 2009 I wrote a Tagalog novel “Ikaw Lang Sa Aking Bukas” (You are my Tomorrow) a romance novel about a seemingly unrequited love between a hardworking and passionate executive assistant and her handsome bachelor boss who himself is caught between a past love and an arranged marriage. Amidst a mystical visit to a psychic, intrigue, mystery and office politics, the love story between Misty and Jake grew from rejection, to realization, to heartbreak, to true love. Breaking convention of what a typical woman should be, my heroine’s character is a go-getter and innocently spontaneous at expressing herself, including her passion.

I accidentally dug up the novel and re-read it today. Still brought tears to my eyes, for reasons beyond just the story itself. I’m sharing the novel to the world today so feel free to download the pdf file. The novel is written in tagalog/filipino with a sprinkling of english.  I might write another one in the coming days 🙂 but that’s just a plan for now. Click here to download the novel or read it online.

Closing this post, let me just write here what I told a heartbroken friend the other day:  “Its better to break your heart than do nothing with it…”

Don’t be scared to tell someone you love them even though they may break your heart, you may break theirs if you don’t. And if you get your heart broken by doing so… at least you know its time to move on. 🙂

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