Letting Go is Love…

It really hurts to love someone who doesn’t give you the time of day but what hurts more is when you realize that someone that you don’t give the time of day loved you and gave it up coz you loved someone else.

Letting go is love…

The sun shone on Paula’s hair and her swaying body caused shadows to dance about her as she walked on the cemented pavement. Although her face was expressionless, something softened when at the corner of her eye, she saw that Luke was already at the place she expected him to be at this time. She noticed that he was not alone… a long haired girl was smiling at him across the small table outside the coffee shop. Paula’s face registered sadness. Yet in her mind she heard her friend Drew’s voice telling her “refuse to be a victim, Paula.” Her face stiffened again as the distance between them almost closed.

“Paula…” Luke was the first to greet her, obviously surprised to see her.

Paula pretended not to notice him at first.

“Oh fancy seeing you here, Luke. It’s been so long…” she smiled sweetly at him and at the girl Luke introduced as his friend Jenny.

How do you get over a person you loved so much, deeply, with all your heart, the one who promised you the moon and the stars and even forever, and then suddenly, disappears from your life?

Paula continued walking aimlessly but Luke followed her. She wished Drew was there to help her through this.

“Paula… I’m sorry…”

“Sssshhh Luke. Nothing more needs to be said.”

“I did not mean to hurt you, Paula. Jenny and I… it just happened.”

Paula looked directly into Luke’s eyes. If there was one look that could convey love, pain, sadness, understanding, and compassion all at the same time, Luke would have seen it in Paula’s eyes at that very moment.

“I’m truly sorry, Paula…” was all he could say.

Wasn’t forgiveness part of love?

“Luke” Paula started. She fought tears and by sheer determination, displayed the happiest smile she could muster at him. “Luke, you are happy aren’t you?” she asked.

“Yes…” he answered.

Ouch.

“Then, no worries. Be happy. Frankly, I never expected us to last, anyway. So, its fine, its fine….” Her voice slowly faded away. Drew would be proud of me right now, she thought.

Luke smiled. The same crazy lopsided sweet smile he had when he held her. It simply took her breath away.

“You gonna be ok?” he asked.

“You betcha!” she replied. Paula gave Luke a final smile and then turned her back and walked away towards the direction of nowhere.

Luke stood firmly, staring back at her. For some reason, he just stood there, looking at Paula’s confident back walking away from him until she was out of view.

Paula fought tears but couldn’t. When she knew she was safely away, she broke down and wept. She knew it was the final cry and the last of the tears she would ever weep for Luke. Didn’t Drew always tell her that she can cry all she wanted for when the tears were gone, she’d be able to smile again?

Just then she finally reached the park exit where she was supposed to meet Drew. She promised Drew she would treat him for dinner if she had been successful in facing Luke today. Paula looked for his face in the crowd, surprisingly excited to see him. He wasn’t there.

She sat down under a tree bench and texted him.

“Drew, it’s done. Finally. I’m ok though it still hurts… where are you? are we meeting?”

She could not believe he wasn’t there yet. Drew was always on time, always reliable, always there for her. It took a bit longer than five minutes before her cell phone beeped back a message from Drew.

“Letting go is hard but I know you’re strong enough, Paula. Three months is long enough to wait for him. It will take time for you to forget him but one day it will be over. In the meantime wish me luck, I finally got someone to go out with me, haha, she’s wonderful so maybe we can meet another time? I’ll see you at work tomorrow. Take care now.”

Paula stared at her cellphone for a long time when tears began to flow again. She felt something like a black arrow stabbing her heart and pushing deeply into her core spilling away her life force. Why was she feeling all this pain again?

Yet,  deep inside, she knew. Drew.

And once again, she had to let go.

written by Vicky, 2011

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