Hannah’s Dance

Hannah’s Dance

to hannah faith, from mommy

My eyes, transfixed on the movement of your grass skirt as you danced on the wooden stage, began to water. Calm, beautiful, and innocent, your eyes gazed at me as you danced, and I knew you understood more. Understood why I could see you only twice a week. Understood why during those times my arms were always reluctant to let you go. Understood that I loved you deeply though I couldn’t be there to fix your hair, put flowers in your arms, and kiss you good luck before you went onstage.

I bet you didnt know, that I rejoiced in your laughter and your smile. And every conversation we’ve had is etched deeply in my heart. I bet you didn’t know, how hard I fought to keep you. I bet you didn’t know how hard still I fight so that nothing in this world would harm you. I bet you didn’t know, that the sacrifice of setting you free was for your own good. I bet you didn’t know that I call your name every night and pray for you as you grow.

You turned around, waving your tiny hands in the air as you gestured your final dance step and bowed. You saw tears and laughter at the same time in your mother’s eyes. Amid the echoes of applause, I said “I love you baby”. But you were no longer looking.

Still, I knew you understood.

Understood how proud I am of you, and that everyday I am loving you more. Understood that I am your mother, and someday that word will be tested and I will not fail. But in the meantime, I hope you’ll understand, why, with tears in my eyes, I had to leave before saying goodbye.

(to hannah faith, by vicky, 2005 [luha ng ina])

Hannah Faith now, age 11, year 2010, my beloved daughter:

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